


Lost It To Trying

by SecondFromTheRight



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: 5x04, F/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-08 07:11:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14689095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecondFromTheRight/pseuds/SecondFromTheRight
Summary: There was so many smells he wasn’t used to anymore. Her sweat. The smell of dirt. Of earth. Of the ground. Of home. He used to live and breathe them and his body still reacted like he knew them, no matter how long he'd gone without them. He closed his eyes, letting his face brush against the back of her hair – that was new, so much shorter than he was used to, with some colour that wasn’t there before. But still blonde, still thick and curling in waves, still messy and with some tangles showing how she lived.Missing scene from 5x04





	Lost It To Trying

“You should try to sleep,” Bellamy gently suggested as he sat next to Clarke. She looked so tired, and hurt, her movements slow and careful. “We have some time, it’s okay.” He reassured when she frowned, looking down at the bench.

“But…”

“What is it?” he asked when she didn’t say anything more, just let out a shaky breath.

“You’re always gone when I open my eyes.” She said in a whisper, a small sob escaping as she raised her head to look at him.

“Clarke,” he breathed, feeling his own tears forming. That’s really what she meant then when she’d said ' _you're really here._ '. It wasn’t just that maybe she was unsure if he’d really been in the clearing with Diyoza, with so much chaos and what they’d put her through, like he’d thought. No, she’d imagined him before. Dreamed of him? How many times? How often? As much as he found himself looking down on Earth from above, wishing things were different? Regretting that he couldn’t even enjoy the win because it wasn’t complete without her, thinking that none of it would ever be worth the loss of her while the others restarted their lives and he felt a piece of him missing. Did she still imagine him? After all this time? “I’m here,” he said, clasping his hand high on her arm and tipping his head to be closer to her. “Not going anywhere.” He swore. She stared back at him like she couldn’t look away, but she didn’t move to lay back down. “Here,” he shifted back to the edge of the bench and lay down himself, leaning on his elbow and bringing his feet up on the bench. She watched him, turning as he moved behind her. “Lie down,” he ordered softly, tugging at her until he guided her back down to how she was when the door was opened, but now he was with her too. “See,” he said as he rested his hand at her hip, bending his knees behind hers. “I’m really here.” He promised, using her own words, closing the distance between them until his hand rested more on her stomach.

There was so many smells he wasn’t used to anymore. Her sweat. The smell of dirt. Of earth. Of the ground. Of home. He used to live and breathe them and his body still reacted like he knew them, no matter how long he'd gone without them. He closed his eyes, letting his face brush against the back of her hair – that was new, so much shorter than he was used to, with some colour that wasn’t there before. But still blonde, still thick and curling in waves, still messy and with some tangles showing how she lived.

He shouldn’t really be lying like this, with his back to the door. It was stupid, reckless. But he was selfish, with a want to feel this. He couldn’t believe she was alive. God, and here in his arms again after so long. He never thought he’d even see her again - but to feel her again. He couldn’t believe it was real. He opened his eyes, staring at the bare skin of the top of her back instead. He’d listen for sounds of anyone approaching as least. He’d already given away how much Clarke meant to him anyway, what he was willing to do to save her. Even if someone walked in now, they probably wouldn’t be very surprised.

The way she was tensing and shifting next to him made him wonder if she wasn’t so comfortable with their position though. He didn’t know if she was hurting her, still unsure of the extent of her injuries. Or maybe she was just uncomfortable being this close. They’d been close before, their experiences not allowing for much privacy or boundaries since they’d hit the ground, but this was new, intimate in a new way and it had been a long time since they’d even touched. Maybe she didn’t trust him anymore, he had left her.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his breath moving her hair. She tensed even further, making him frown. Her body started jerking in silent cries. Maybe she was still in too much pain, she should be on her back. That might be better for her.

“I can’t see you.” She sniffed, almost sounding ashamed of it – a weakness. One she didn’t want to share. She was always so strong, even in her weaknesses, even in her emotion. It just emboldened her to fight, to always fight. He took his hand off her and sat up, putting his feet back on the ground and standing. “No!” she cried out, panicking as she quickly sat up too and turned to look at him, her eyes wide. He’d seen Clarke vulnerable before, captured, beaten, sick, fighting not to lose consciousness. He’d seen her cry, and bleed, but still, through it all she was always the strength of them. Part of him felt some kind of satisfaction that he could still help her find some of that strength, that will that had saved them. A a sense of fullfillment that he was still one of the few who she let herself go with that much.

“I’m just moving, hold on.” He tried to reassure her as he circled around the bench to the other side and took his jacket off, shrugging out of it. He put his hand on her shoulder, trying to physically connect with her. He’d had trouble not touching her since he got in this room anyway, needing to convince himself she was real as much as she seemed to with him. She watched his every move with the attention and focus that had gotten her so far, gotten them all so far. Her chest rapidly rose with her breathing.

“Better?” he asked as he lay back down on the side at the wall, facing her, bringing his feet up again and lowering himself on his elbow and forearm. “Come on, you need to rest.” He tried to encourage again, hoping she’d still listen, that she still trusted him enough too. She did as he said, slowly leaning back down, shifting until she was in the same space. As soon as she was fully on her side he brought his jacket up with his left hand, shaking it out before covering her with it, her own jacket still folded under her head in a pillow. It worked both for helping keep her warm and for hiding her skin from him so he could try to gain some control again. His stomach tightened when she deliberately brushed her chin against the material, rubbing her cheek against it slowly as her eyes briefly drifted shut. He probably didn’t smell the same as she knew him as. Dirt, earth and sweat weren’t on him like they used be, but they would be again, now he was back, where he should be. She opened her eyes, immediately pinning him in her sights again as she looked up at him, still obvious in her worry he wouldn’t be there if she risked some sleep.

He dropped his arm, bending it and placing his head in his hand. Clarke forward, slowly resting her head on the crook of his elbow as well, half on her jacket-pillow and half of him now. She rubbed her cheek along him like she’d done with his jacket, soothing herself back and forth, but this time he could feel it. He tensed his jaw, inhaling a deep breath through his nose, and out again, as he tried not to react

Bellamy his arm over her waist again, flattening his hand against the small of her back. He let his hand under the edge of his jacket until he was touching her and pulled her towards him. There was even less room on the bench with their knees pressed against each other instead of tucked together. He didn’t want either of them to fall off the thing and still, he couldn’t keep his hands from her. “I promise I’ll still be here when you open your eyes.” He insisted, trying again to get her to take a break. He could see anyone coming from this side too.

She reached out in the small space between them. Her fingers peeked out from under his jacket and gripped at his shirt, holding onto him. He closed his eyes, screwing them up and tried not to cry, again. Was it all about him? That she’d missed him, just him? Or was it because he’d left her and she wasn’t going to let it happen again? Or maybe that she’d been alone, without them for so long now and she'd do the same with any one of them. He spread his hand against her back, pressing his fingers into her the barest amount as he resisted not fully squeezing her against him. “Bellamy.” She said quietly, answering his question maybe. It was about him. He hadn’t heard her say that in 6 years. He’d thought about it, dreamed about it sometimes. He worried he’d forget how it sounded. When he opened his eyes again, hers were closed, finally.

“Clarke,” He let himself say in a sigh. He’d said her name multiple times the last couple days, for the first time in so long, but only talking about her. He hadn’t been able to say it to her. He hadn't been able it just to say it, to acknowledge her presence, until he was in this room with her. After so long, he could do that again. After thinking he would never be able to, he could again. “Clarke.” He repeated in a whisper.

She tightened her grip of his shirt, bunching the material in her fist, but kept her eyes closed. He felt her breathing finally start to even out, her body relaxing as she found sleep. It wasn’t the first time he’d watched over her while she rested and after finding her again, he’d be damned if he let it be the last. He wasn’t going to let anything happen to her. Not now, not ever again. Together they had effectively traded her life for the groups when they left. If 283 lives was the cost of hers now, it was a deal he’d take.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first The 100 fic, and I wrote it in a very short space of time. I'm sure both of these facts are very obvious. But still, it seemed too obvious not to write. I hope it was at least kinda enjoyable for those who read it.
> 
>  
> 
> <https://secondfromtheright.tumblr.com/>


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